The Holes in My Heart
by thg46divergent
Summary: Journey through Johanna Mason's life from the reaping that changed her life to her post-rebellion days. Learn her struggles, her comforts, the pain. Discover the real reason she acts the way she acts. Uncover what really happened in her games and what really happened to her family. (And don't forget to review! ;)
1. The Reaping

**_Hey guys! Welcome to the wonderful world of Johanna Mason! I won't rant, I'll just let you read her story. I hope you like it. :)_**

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I never thought I was capable of having such a hellish life.

It all started when I was eleven at the reaping. The snotty escort was saying something about how great the games have been for the districts. "Ladies first!" She announced as she walked over to the bowl on the right. Along with all the other girls in my district, I held my breath, praying it wasn't anybody I knew. But it was.

It was Bambi Mason.

The morning of the reaping was a calming day, quite ironically. Everybody had the day off work and had a nice day. I took it as a time to try and be calm before the Capitol robs a boy and girl from each district to go of and fight. I was eleven then, so the next year would be my first year with my name in the bowl.

My family consists of Johanna (me), my mother, my father, my older sister Bambi, and my younger brother Birch. We aren't the richest family in district seven, but we defiantly are able to manage. I am a part of a lumberjack family. My mother, father, and sister all work in the woods. Birch, who is only 10 and I are too young to be cutting down the trees.

We used the day off work to have a family day. My grandparents came over with my cousins. My cousins live with grandma and grandpa because a couple years back, their parents were taken by the Capitol to become avoxes. I was never told what they did. Never really wanted to know. What crime could be so terrible that the punishment would be to cut your tongue out? I shudder just thinking about it.

That day was practically perfect. It's easy to smile when you're around people you love. Well, I guess it depends on the situation. Because I wasn't smiling as we walked to the town square for the reaping.

I especially wasn't smiling when my sister's name was called at the reaping. I was surrounded by people I loved, yet I was miserable. I gripped my brother's hand with one hand and bit my nails down to the stub with the other. It was silent as my sister trudged up the stage. I took heavy breaths and my heartbeat echoed in every wall of my head.

The realization that my sister would most likely die only came to me when I was in the justice building, awaiting our last words. I might never get to speak to Bambi again. _Three minutes, _I constantly told myself. _That's all you get. Use it wisely. _

I ran in and hugged her for what seemed like the whole three minutes that we got. Then Birch, then both my parents. Tears have flooded all of our eyes, except for Bambi's. She stayed strong. She was in the worst possible situation I could ever imagine, and we were all taking it worse than her even though she would be the one fighting for her life in a couple of weeks.

"Stay strong," I whispered to her. "It's the best quality you've got."

My parents whispered some words of encouragement and my brother, who was a man of few words, told her to do her best.

That's when the peacekeeper opened the door and told us that our time was done.

"Wait!" I called. "Take this." I quickly took off the necklace that I got for my tenth birthday. I've worn it every day. It was a heart shaped locket. Inside was a picture of all my family. "Don't forget the reason you want to come back."

The peacekeeper had to drag me out of the room.

"You can make it through this!" I had screamed. "You'll come back here where you belong!"

I didn't think it was very possible, but I cried even more that day when I got home. It wasn't the same without Bambi. I felt a hatred toward the Capitol. They stole her. They stole apart of my life that I would never get back. I could possibly never have an older sister again.

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**_Hey guys! Hope you loved the first chapter! :D Sorry this chapter was so short. The rest will be longer. Actually, the next few chapters will be in Bambi's point of view and I will introduce a very well known character. I'll try to get the chapter up as soon as possible. Thanks for reading and don't forget to ask questions, comments, anything really. Down in the reviews._**


	2. Bambi's Games pt 1

**_Hello readers! Hope you're liking the story :) It gets better. This is the chapter that we meet a familiar character. Enjoy!_**

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**Bambi's POV**

Everything in the Capitol flew bye. The chariots, training, interviews. Everything. The waiting of my death couldn't have been faster. It almost killed me. Soon enough, I was in the games. The transition had been abrupt; I was eating fancy soups and meats I'd never even heard of for a limited time and now I was caged up in this arena where I'd have to find my own food. I guess that's the price for being fancied. I squinted as I got my first real look at the arena I would be fighting for my life in.

Grasslands. They went out about ten miles. It wasn't just short grass, it was tall. Probably about a foot shorter than I am. Way off behind the grasslands was an abundance of hills with scattered trees. About 90° counterclockwise of the hills was a large lake and a small forest made up tall and thin trees. You could see right through it. Some tributes would go to the obvious water source, and that'd be it. But they'd be seen. And when you're seen, you can get killed. _There's gotta be some water on the hills, _ I think to myself. _There's no way that huge lake is the only water source. _

I turned my attention back to the cornucopia. In the center, an ax sat there. If I could just run and grab it, kill off a few for sponsor's sake and run into the high grass that leads to the hills. The only problem was that on the other side of the arena, there was only tall grass. Anybody who had brains would go where I'm going.

There was no more time to think. _Five… Four… Three… Two… One… _BOOM!

""Ladies and Gentlemen, let the 65th Annual Hunger Games begin!" A voice boomed through the arena. I was shaking, but I sprinted to the mouth of the cornucopia and grabbed my ax. There were a few oncoming attackers that I swung my ax at. One immediately fell, the other showing a smudge of skill when she deflected it. She grabbed the nearest weapon - a sword three feet long. She could barely hold the thing.

I had to get out of here. The longer I stayed here, the more fights would come up. The more fights that came up, the higher probability I had of dying. But, I guess the probabilities were already high of me dying.

I advanced on her, faked a swing at her arm then kicked her legs from under her. Quickly, I slit her throat and run to the grass fields.

I never thought I would be able to kill people like that. I've always thought it was people like President Snow who did that. Or his army of enslaved peacekeepers. Neither of the two seem to show any emotion, let alone sympathy to people they hurt. Peacekeepers are given their orders, and they follow them. Quite ironic, isn't it? They're called peacekeepers. All I know them for doing is causing trouble not stopping it.

Then, I realized, that I'm just like the peacekeepers. I'm just apart of Snow's army. And my one command? To kill. Kill and you get to go home. These games are supposed to keep the country in peace. But by being peace, there needs to be war. And us kids are the ones creating it.

The war isn't always physical either. I've seen people in seven starving. Their war is the same war I'm fighting right now. And any other war ever fought. The goal is the same. To stay alive. The Capitol claims their nation is at peace, yet nearly everybody who lives in the districts is suffering. Starving, parched, watching their children die.

I ran until I was out of breath. I was still in the tall grass. It appeared that I was about halfway through the grass. Another five or ten miles and I'd be to the hills where there would hopefully be water. I sighed and sat down in the grass so I'd be hidden. I was is desperate need for a break. I sat with my elbows leaning on my knees, and my hands clasped, twisting my thumbs around each other. I kept my ax close by, just in case somebody tried to attack.

But nobody did. It was almost calming.

After about twenty minutes, I knew I should get going. I would eventually get thirsty. So I sighed and stood up to continue walking through the endless grass field.

It very well might have been 40 eternities before I finally made it to the hills. It was a long and hot journey. I needed food and water. And fast. That's why the sound of rushing water almost made me jump for joy. I ran to it, which was extraordinary seeing how tired I was. If I was hot and sweating, the water would probably be even more refreshing.

That night was a good night. I found food and made camp about a mile away from the river I found. Water is scarce in the arena. Tributes making camp by it were planned a disappointing death for lack of though, it seems. Plus, if you're as lucky to come across the careers, the tributes from district four are in the alliance. If you choose to swim your way out… you're a goner. This being said, I'm close enough to the river that it's not very far away when I'm thirsty and want to get a drink, but it's far enough away that I'm actually in a decent hiding place in a bundle of trees.

I fell asleep in a tree that night. I had to trust that I wouldn't fall out, because I got absolutely no supplies from the cornucopia. Just my ax.

I was just about to fall asleep when the country's nation anthem woke me up. I groaned, but I was eager to learn who was gone. Everybody from 1 and 2 lived. No surprise there. The boy from three, girl from four, both from five, girl from six, both from 9, boy from 10 and boy from 12 were all gone. Nine lie dead on the cornucopia grounds. Two of them I took responsibility for. The boy from three, who seemed to lack all skill for coming at me unarmed and the girl from six, who actually put up somewhat of a fight. I sighed. 15 left. With that thought echoing in my head, I fell asleep.

The next morning, I woke up and fingered the locket Johanna gave me and bit my lip. I opened it and examined each face in family closely. There is no way I'd forget about them in here. I couldn't do that. Not ever.

I climbed down the tree to find some breakfast and get a sip of water. I walked through the scattered forests, running from one protected and hidden area to the next. The grasslands were tough, but I was on high grounds. I had the beter view than anybody.

Then I misplaced my foot, flinging me ten feet into the air. If you're wondering, no I did not blow up. How unfortunate would that ending be?

Instead, I was engulfed by netting. I had been so shocked, I had dropped my ax. I growled as a young boy comes into view, a simper plastered on his face. It was clearly not aimed at me, but at the cameras that surrounded us. I was in a snare. A trap meant to kill animals. But I was no animal, and this is not how I would die.

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**_Can you guys guess who that is under the net? :D I'm so excited to write about him. Take some guesses when you review for my story. *wink* which all of you should be doing. Thanks guys! You're welcome that this chapter is longer, anyways. Sorry about the last one. /: It was kinda an awkward paragraph just to show how everybody appreciates each other in Johanna's house. Ya know… yes… PLEASE REVIEW! I WILL BE ETERNALLY GRATEFUL!_**


	3. Bambi's Games pt 2

**_Hey guys! I am really in need of reviews ;) I think you'll like this chapter! _**

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I glared down at the boy who stood under me, who had picked up my ax that I dropped when I stood on the net that hefted me up in there. I was hanging from a tree with a single rope, engulfed by a net. If only I could cut it and be set free…

He fingered the blade of my ax and rubbed his fingers against the now dry blood from my bloodbath kills. I never cleaned my ax because I figured tributes would be more scared to see that I've already gotten some kills.

"Is this what you have to do to get girls to talk to you?" I growled down at the boy. He looks up at me, taking his attention away from my ax. I got my first looks at him.

He wasn't ugly, that's for sure. In fact, he was kind of handsome. He was _really _handsome. He had bright sea green eyes, an athletic build and tan skin, complete with his messily and loosely curled bronze hair. He was young too, must've been 14 or at most, 15. He held a trident in one hand and my ax in the other. I recognized him from training and gulped. He was really good with that trident.

"It works, doesn't it?" He responded, chuckling. I just sat there clutching the ropes that bound me. My knuckles were turning white.

"Are you going to let me down so we can fight?" I tried to sound more confident than I felt.

The boy just looked up at me, eyebrows raised. "Sure, because it's not like that would be to your advantage." He rolled his eyes. "I saw you in training," he adds.

"Did you?" I asked, not sounding intrigued at all.

He nodded faintly. "Yes, and frankly, I think we'd make one hell of a team."

I looked down at him skeptically. "You want me as an ally?" I snorted. "Don't you see how easy I am to catch?"

"Fine, suit yourself. I guess I'll have to kill you then." He raised his trident, looked prepared to throw it right at my chest. It didn't seem very pleasant.

I gritted my teeth. Another very unfortunate way to die. I could add that one to the list. _Killed by 14 year old after trapped in hanging net. _"Wait," I stopped him, as I sighed.

"Yes?" A slight smirk appeared on his lips.

"I guess I'll be your ally. Now cut me down, would you?"  
"Your wish is my command." After a bow, he adjusted the aim of his trident by tilting it higher so it cut straight through the rope that tied the net I was trapped in to the tree.

My brain must be very slow at thinking things through because the thought that I would fall when the tribute cut the rope didn't come to me until I was about to give the ground a high five with my butt.

I hit the ground with a loud thud. "Thanks," I grumbled, as I rubbed my temples.

He grinned like a fool. If there was a contest to see who could get their lips closest to their ears, this guy would win. In fact, it was making me uncomfortable. "You're quite welcome. Need some help?" He extends his hand to offer to help me stand up.

I stood up on my own, refusing to grab his hand. I wiped the dirt off my pants and faced him. He was about my height, which was 5'6. He awkwardly took his hand away from where he had extended it for me to grab and scratched the back of his neck.

I forgot that he had my ax. I reached out to grab it, but he pulled it farther away. "Ah, ah, ah," he warned. "I don't trust you yet. You don't get this until I can trust you." I folded my arms.

"Aren't allies supposed to trust each other?" I asked, raising my eyebrows and considering briefly to run over and grab his trident and fight him. But, that also would be a very, _very _unfortunate way to die. _The opponent had my weapon so I took his. Right before I turned around, he had advanced on me, my now traitor of a weapon raised. Before I could implant his own trident in his chest, my ax would already be through my head, crushing my skull. _

"That is only how it appears. What would happen if we were to be the last two left? I would have to kill you."

"Thanks."

He smirks. "Only being honest."

He starts walking slowly over to where his trident lays, but passes it. I, finding it a bit odd, pick it up. His back was turned. It could be easy… No, I wouldn't do it. I couldn't. He was, in fact, my ally.

I cleared my throat. "Your trident..," I say reluctantly, holding it out.

He grinned that fool of a grin again. "Well, look at that, you've passed!" He didn't even take his trident.

"Passed what?" I asked, clearly confused.

"The test to become my ally." He takes his trident out of my hands and continues. "You see, I wanted to see if you would give me my trident or backstab me when I left it layi-"

"Wait, you were willing to risk your life like that to see if I'm trustworthy?" I asked, interrupting him.

He only laughs. "Oh, I would've heard you coming behind me. Then I'd kill you with this," he says, holding up my ax. "Which, by the way, you now deserve." He hands me my ax. I smiled.

"Hey, I never caught your name," I say, still smiling a bit.

He leaned against a tree and sighed. "Finnick Odair, district four. You?" He raises an eyebrow at me.

"Bambi Mason, district 7," I reply, again fingering my necklace.

There was a short pause.

"Allies?" I ask, extending my hand.

"Allies," he agrees, taking my hand and shaking it.

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**_Do you like it? Let me know in a review! Please, I beg. There will probably one or two more chapters of Bambi's games then I'll go back to Johanna's pov. Thanks for all the support I know you'll give me!_**


	4. Bambi's Games pt 3

The next few days I got to know Finnick Odair. Let me tell you, I didn't expect to actually like him. But he did in fact have a good sense of humor and is easy to talk to. He knew when to listen and when to speak and what to say. I wouldn't just call him my ally. He was more like my friend. One day he asked about my necklace.

"This?" I asked, holding it up for him to see. "Oh, my sister Johanna gave it to me when I said goodbye. It's a locket with a picture of my family."

"Can I see it?" He looks at me, his eyebrows raised. I just nodded and opened the locket, revealing the photograph shaped in a heart.

"Can I ask you a favor?" I ask, biting my lip as he examines the picture.

"Do I get to know what it is before I agree to it?" He smirks as he closed my locket.

"If I happen to lose and you win, can you give this back to my sister during the victory tour?" I inquired quietly, fingering the locket.

He nods. "Of course, I just don't want you thinking that you'll… lose," he says with hesitation.

"No, no, it's just in case," I reply quickly as I hear footsteps behind me. Not just one pair, but three. I gulp. I turn around to find three careers standing there, each with a devilish look on their face and a deadly weapon in their hands.

"Hmmm," says one of them, I think the boy from one. He appeared to be the leader because the other two were standing behind him. He scratched his chin and glanced between Finnick and me. "Which one of you should I kill first?" He smirked. Not the playful and silly smirk that Finnick Odair smirked, but an evil smirk. I wanted to charge at him. But I didn't have to. The boy from one was already doing it to me.

Apparently he had chosen to kill me first. Before I knew it, I was pinned down, an unfamiliar bumpy feeling of the ground under me. I glanced over at Finnick, who was fighting the other two quite incredibly. And there was me, looking weak as a peanut as I was helplessly thrashing under the boy's grasp. The leader of the pack was raising his weapon - a sword (very cliché for the Hunger Games, I know) about to make the death blow. Fortunately, Finnick had made his way through the two careers, one laid on the ground and her canon sounded. He lunged at The leader as I winced, shutting my eyes tightly. Right when I realized he wasn't on top of me, I grabbed my ax and stood up, facing the other career. The girl from two.

I swung my ax at her, hitting her shoulder. I gasped as I ducked under her attack to whack me with her spear. I took the time to stab her foot, causing her to drop her weapon, grab her foot, and scream. I screamed louder to cover it up, scheming. She looked absolutely terrified, but I had to do it. I sent my weapon through her chest. I heard her cannon and turned around to see how Finnick was dealing with the last career. It was not well.

Finnick Odair never could have looked more helpless.

He sat against a tree, his trident nowhere in sight. He looked weak, fragile even. He was shaking as if he were freezing. The career stood over him, looking proud. He doesn't even look back when the cannon fired. My scream had been louder than the girl from four's, hopefully causing him to believe that I had been the one to die. I stood behind him, acting as if I were his ally and raised my ax, making it sound that I was on his side. I winked at Finnick, who looked expressionless, staring blankly at the tribute, breaking his gaze for a moment to catch mine.

"How should we kill the boy, Marina?" He asks, crouching down and resting his elbows on his knees. "I hope you don't mind that we're killing your district partner." He chuckles as he examines Finnick. "It's a good thing we didn't let him join our alliance. Right, Mar?" He turns around briefly to find is was not in fact Marina. His eyes widened as I swung my ax at his neck, slicing his head off his body completely. I took a step back and gawked. Axes didn't cut through trees that easily, that's for surely. "C'mon," I told Finnick urgently as I held my hand out to help him stand up. He took at it, studying my face.

He found his trident and took a last glance at the careers that could've been his allies and sighs of relief.

As we walked through the scattered forests on the hilltops, Finnick whipped up a conversation. "You're treating that like it was nothing," he says, sounding a bit more like his old self again. "That… was brilliant."

I shook my head rapidly. "There is nothing good about tricking someone so I have use element of surprise to kill them," she snaps. It came out a little harsher than intended.

He nods. "Yes, I know what you mean. But that was still impressive. I'm complementing your intelligence that happens to come in handy."

She takes a deep breath as she changes the subject. "What did the career mean when he said it was a good thing that he didn't let you join the alliance?"

A pause. Quite an long and uncomfortable pause, actually.

"He didn't kick me out. I just didn't want to join them. So I didn't. Didn't even go to the bloodbath, actually. He's trying to make himself seem like the scarier guy, like he's the one who's controlling the games. He hates the fact that I abandoned him because of the sole reason that I didn't want to be his ally and cheer every time we killed a tribute."

Another pause. I knew he was trying to be deep and everything, but there was a reoccurring thought in my head.

"If you didn't go to the cornucopia, where did you get _that?" _I nodded toward his trident.

"Sponsor gift," he replies.

My eyes widen. "Oh my God! How many sponsors do you have? This is the most expensive gift I've ever seen!"

He looks at me smugly. "A lot."

"Yeah, a ton!"

"We probably have even more now that I've got you as an ally."

I laughed. "As much as we both know that's not true, I like that you're making an effort to make me feel like I'm getting us more sponsors. If you could even have any more, it'd be because we took down most of the careers and stole their sponsors." He gives me a confused look. "Finnick, do you know why you have these sponsors?"  
"Uh, because they think I'm going to win?"

"Yes, that, but because you're kinda beautiful and all the Capitol ladies want a… well, a good looking guy to emerge from the games."

"Why?" He asks, looking confused. I seemed to forget that he is only fourteen. He didn't know what they do to victors that win the games.

"Nevermind," I said as I waved it off.

That night before settled down at our camp that we made at the top of one of the hills, we heard the national anthem and saw that the boy from one, both from two and the girl from eight were all dead. This left only one career left, the girl from one. I smiled to myself, telling Finnick to go to sleep and that I'd wake him up when I got tired. He nodded before laying his head down and zoning out, his snores coming only minutes after he fell asleep.

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**_Please PLEASE pLEase review! I'd really like you guys to let me know how I'm doing. Thanks!_**


	5. Bambi's Games pt 4

**_Hey guys! Sorry it took awhile to update. I've been on vacation for the last week. While you're waiting for me to update, I recommend reading my other stories._**

**_Thanks and I hope you enjoy the chapter. :)_**

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We were sitting by the stream when it happened. I had my hands cupped up and I was getting some water when I heard a hissing. I narrowed my eyes and turned around to see Finnick looking alert. I give him a questioning look and he looked behind him.

They looked like reptiles… but they looked about the size of me or Finnick. They were human… but they were lizards. They were white, crawling on all fours with webbed feet and a long and scaled tail. A mutation. I've heard about them before. A weapon the Capitol used in the dark days to kill the rebel attackers. Just another way to show the districts that they're the ones in charge.

"IN THE WATER!" Finnick yells, his eyes wide as he runs into the stream, diving where it got deeper and wider. I dropped my ax and followed him. It would only make me swim slower. I definitely was not of good as a swimmer as he was. I knew that lizards could swim, or whatever those mutts were. Why would the gamemakers have them chase us if we were by the water and we could swim and they couldn't?

I took deep breaths each time I emerged for air. Those mutts were fast… even in the water. Finnick was way ahead of me and he stopped and grabbed my arm and started pulling at me so I'd go faster. I was panting, from both the extreme swimming and the pressure of the moment. In a way, this was worse than the careers' fight.

When the mutts were a reasonable distance away, my ally let go of me and I began swimming on my own again. I tried to keep up my speed, by something got twisted around my ankle and was starting to pull me under.

I was gasping for breath until I had to tilt my head when it was the only thing left above the water so I could still breathe. "Finnick!" I yelled as loud as I could, but it was muffled by the water in my mouth. Still, he heard me and turned around. His eyes widened as he quickly made his way back over to me. I had to take a deep breath right before I went under. Finnick joined me. I looked down to find that the rope like thing that had entangled around my ankle was seaweed. Seaweed doesn't naturally do that… Finnick was right there below me too, trying to cut it. But his trident was not meant to saw. Fortunately, the seaweed was not laced around his ankle.

"Go!" I tried to say, but nothing is heard underwater. Too soon, the human-lizard mutts would be here. "GO!" I tried to yell urgently again. He kept trying to get me out. If it was possible to cry underwater, I was doing it.

Suddenly, my fingers found their way to the back of my neck. I was in desperate need for oxygen. But the gamemakers wouldn't allow that to happen. I unclasped my necklace and handed it to Finnick before pointing away from the mutts, meaning for him to get away from them. Finnick had to get away from the seaweed that could grab his ankles or the mutts that would rip him like a piece of paper. The Capitol wanted me dead. Only me. They wanted to keep Finnick alive. I, on the other hand, was a goner. What an unfortunate death I was bound to have…

**Finnick's POV**

I hated the thought of leaving Bambi behind, but I had to leave. I had to get away before the mutts caught up with us. The seaweed seemed to have been made of titanium. I knew I'd regret leaving her, but I had a new motivation. I had to get the Bambi's locket back to her sister. Johanna. The only way to get it to her was at the victory tour. Why was I not dead? Why was it Bambi? Maybe it was too early to ask that question, though. The mutts were still after me. Until they got to Bambi, that is. It seemed that they found a feast, as if Bambi drowning wasn't enough to kill her.

I scowled. I couldn't keep swimming. I had to watch. I had to watch them rip her flesh apart. Not because I wanted to, because I had to. Honor. Respect. Two things she deserved but never got. Such a brave soul suffering such a tragic death. I looked up at the sky.

"Are you happy?" I screamed, a slight croak laced in my voice. I swam to shore as I heard Bambi's cannon. The albino lizard mutts evaporated into thin air. I guess I wasn't a target. I needed to punch something. A tribute in the distance.

No, that was not the way it should go. The gamemakers killed Bambi. I refused to play their game.

But I had to. If I wanted to give that locket to Johanna, I had to play along. The way out is to go through. I had to give them a good show.

I sat down, weaving my fingers around ropes, another gift from sponsors. The tribute had made camp where I saw him earlier. I finished the rope and jogged quietly over to the tribute. I threw the net at him, soon after approaching him with my trident. He whimpered. I cared, but I dared not showed it.

I didn't even wince when his scream was probably heard throughout the entire arena. I simply took his backpack, shoved my rope in it and grabbed some trail mix from the backpack to munch on.

His cannon sure sounded a lot like Bambi's. Two very different incidents with the same outcome.

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**_Yes, I'm very sorry (not (meh, maybe a little))… But I had to. We both knew from the beginning that it was Finnick who got out of that arena. And yes, the mutts chasing them were indeed the ones that killed Finnick in Mockingjay (Sorry for the reminder that he's dead XD). _**

**_ANYWAYS… please review! I'll take praise or criticism. I can smile from praise and I can learn from the criticism. I'll update soon :)_**


	6. Finnick's Victory Tour

**_Ah! And so we finally go back to Johanna's POV. Thanks guys for all the reviews (but yes, I do hope for more!) _**

**_Hope you enjoy the chapter!_**

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**Johanna's POV**

My family broke down when Bambi died. We had all made ourselves believe that she could win, that she _would_ win. But she didn't win. She had died a terrible death. And it meant that I was now the oldest Mason child. I had to take her place. But I was still too young to become a lumberjack. Besides, if I wanted to, I guess I could've. But I didn't want to. Maybe I felt that it was her job. I couldn't just take it from her. Taking her position in the family was forced. Taking her job wasn't. Either way, I was busy enough already to take up a job.

Fortunately, Bambi's ally Finnick Odair won. The youngest winner of all time, that is. He's the one that has to return my locket to me. The last thing I'll have left of Bambi. And Finnick would be coming to district 7 tomorrow.

I didn't know if I could talk to him. I mean, he _was _the last person to see Bambi alive. And he did try to save her, but he couldn't. I don't blame him for leaving her, I knew that's what he had to do.

But at the same time, I felt like I needed to talk to him. I needed to tell him about her funeral, maybe how she couldn't have had a better ally. I'd have to talk to him, though.

I have nightmares about her death nearly every night. Her muffled scream underwater, the mutts tearing her apart. That's when I wake up, sweat soaking my body, and scream. But I instantly stop myself. I had to look over this family. I had to be the new Bambi. The one before the victory tour was the worst. The most vivid. It echoed through my mind all day. The worst part about my sister's death? She didn't die heroically. She didn't die defending herself or her ally. She died because of a stupid gamemaker's trick. A manmade mutt.

The next day, we all trudged to the justice building the same way we did for the reaping. Although that time, Bambi wasn't with us. There was a special place for the families of the fallen tributes. I bit my lip and waited for a certain victor to step up onto the stage.

**Finnick Odair's POV**

I sighed before I stepped onto the stage. It was Bambi's home district. And I made a very important promise to her. That I'd get her tribute token back to her sister, Johanna. My stylist had helped me with my outfit, a forest green suit. When she turned her head, I slipped the special heart locket around my neck and tucked it under my suit. Soon enough, A voiced boomed through the speakers: "District seven, please welcome Finnick Odair, winner of the sixty-fifth annual Hunger Games!" I walk out onto the stage, my now legendary smirk gleaming.

My eyes flicker over to Bamibi's family. I can make out a mother, father, a younger brother, and… ah, Johanna. Mostly hidden behind her brother, though he was a good four inches shorter than her. I manage a slight nod at her family and Johanna clutches to her mother's jacket. A slight glimmer from the locket was showing. I breathed in deeply and began my speech that had been written on my notecard. Reluctantly, I stop halfway through the speech and flip the notecard around. My eyes again flickered to the Masons. Johanna and her brother, Birch, I believed his name was, were both so young to have such a tragedy happen to their family.

"I'm sorry I couldn't save Bambi," I blurted out, looking ashamed, as I should be. "I know she is important to everybody around here. She fought for you and she lost. I partially blame myself. She's a sister." I look Johanna in the eyes. "A daughter. An ally. Heak, with her looks, probably even a girlfriend." My attempt at humor at a time like this has no one laughing. "But," I looked up, my sea green eyes glistening. "Most importantly, she was a friend. Anyone here who had the chance to be her friend is truly a lucky soul, for you will never find anybody else like her. And she was the one who truly deserved to win. I really, wish I could've saved her. I will never go a day without think about her. I owe it to her." I caught Johanna's gaze. Tears streamed from her eyes and she let go of her mother's coat to wipe them away.

I said some words about the district seven male, whom I did not know much about. That time, I stuck to the cards. What my escort had wrote about Bambi… sure, it was true, but it wasn't me really speaking. They weren't my thoughts, just some lady who probably writes all the same things for every fallen tribute on the victory tour.

I exited the stage and walked back into the justice building, where I was greeted by Mags, my mentor.

"Beautifully said," she says, the smile on her face showing how she felt.

I nodded. "I wanted something special for her. I just didn't want her to be another name on the dead tribute's list for the 65th games, you know?"

She nods. "Oh, I know," she says sadly. Mags probably had a similar experience with another tribute from her games, likely an ally. I didn't push it. Honestly, after what I just said, I wasn't in the mood for a heartbreaking story.

"I promised Bambi I would give this to her sister," I said, as I revealed the locket from under my suit.

Mags swallows hard. "You're not supposed to leave this building, but go. And be quick about it, boy," she says urgently, patting on my back as I sprint from the building to find Johanna Mason.

**Johanna's POV**

I slumped down on the large block where I had stood while Finnick talked about Bambi, my feet dangling over the edge. His eyes met mine several times during his speech and it made me slightly uncomfortable, though sometimes grateful. It's nice to know that somebody cared for Bambi when she was in the arena. And I'm glad Finnick won. I knew if he kept his promise, this is where I would receive the locket. I watched the people around me as they filed to leave. I told my family that I'd be home soon. They knew why I was waiting.

Finally, he shows with the locket around his neck. He popped out of the crowd with his dazzling suit to bring out his eyes, complete with a shimmering locket around his neck. I sighed.

"I have to be fast about this," he says quickly as he takes off the locket from around his neck.

I nodded, anxious to get my sister's tribute token back, the last thing she grasped before her cannon sounded.

Finnick hands me the locket and it dissolved into my hand. The cold feeling of metal on my hand, the same way Bambi felt when she first put it on.

"Thank you so much," I say, closing my hand around it. "And thank you, for what you said about my sister. That was amazing."

He slightly smirks. "My pleasure." He glanced back at the justice building where an older woman was waving for him to go over to her. He turns back around and sighed. "I have to go. I'm sorry. But it was very nice meeting you." He ran his fingers through my hair before turning around and sprinting away.

"Goodbye!" I yelled and I hopped down from the block, my feet hitting the hard concrete with a loud thud. I got a wave in reply, for he did glance behind him once and smirk. But he quickly turned back around and quickened his speed.

For the first time, I realized as I was walking home that maybe I shouldn't have taken the locket. Maybe Finnick wanted it. I brushed the though away. He made a promise. It wasn't a picture of his family inside the locket.

When I got home, I grabbed a pencil from the table. I walked to the backyard of our small wooden cottage and sat down with my legs outstretched and crossed. I fingered the locket as I gazed at the woods. Behind me, laid may house. A house I could barely return to if my sister were not in it, waiting for me. Anger fueled inside of me. I opened the locket and examined the picture. The picture no longer looked as it did before the games. I was no fool. I knew pictures didn't actually change. But the people in them could. It no longer had the happy, care free family ambiance to it. It looked hopeless, lost of meaning. We were all smiling, but I saw another side to it. Misery. We weren't genially. We were faking it, trying to find a good that doesn't exist in this terrible world. We used to have family, but it was slipping apart. One less person. Surely she realized the bad in the world in her games. Wiped that stupid grin off her face in the picture.

Fueled by anger, I raised the pencil and brought it down, jabbing it through my sister's face. A hole. A hole in my heart that I could never repair.

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**_Sooo…. an intense chapter. Johanna's starting to show her aggressive side. Tell me what you think of that. How do you think it will affect her when she goes into her games?_**

**_Plus, you can finally understand why I called this story Holes In My Heart! _**

**_And I want to thank _****_ElementalEvolution_****_ for reviewing! Guys, check out his story. It's truly wonderful. Just check it out. :)_**

**_I will update one I've gotten a few reviews ;) So tell me what you're thinking! I will accept whatever you have to offer. Until next time!_**


	7. Johanna's Reaping

**_Hey guys! Sorry I haven't been updating as recently. School started :( I'll get these chapters in as soon as I can. Hang in there. _**

**_Anyways, hope you enjoy the chapter!_**

The day that Finnick Odair gave me back my locket was the day before that I started working. I had this need to cut something, fuel my brief anger somehow.

Here's how it went:

I took a deep breath before proceeding. "Dad, I want to go with you to work tomorrow."

He looked up briefly from his sudoku puzzle to nod. "That sounds great honey. It'll be a long day though, remember to bring something to do."

I bit my lip and sat down at the other side of the raggedy table. "No dad, I want to work. I want to do what you do. Cut down trees."

He furrowed his eyebrows, looked up at me suspiciously. But he didn't push it. Didn't ask any questions. "Well then, then tomorrow I'll take to the forest and teach you how to handle an ax."

I smiled and ran over to him, kissing his forehead. "Thank you thank you thank you!" I practically sung. "I won't let you down!" I don't know where this sudden burst of excitement. Maybe I was just excited to be angry. Huh, never heard of such a thing.

He just chuckled. "Of course, Jo."

The next day I joined my father in the forest. I clutched the ax, never having something so precious and delicate in my hands. It could hurt so many, but it could help many. Like fire. It can do damage or it can help. It all depended who it was in the hands of.

The ax was in my hands. I wanted to believe I would help. I would only use it for help. No harm.

Boy, was I wrong.

Up until my sixth year in the reaping bowl, I believed that the worst thing that could happen to me was losing my sister.

Again: Boy, was I wrong.

I was seventeen, reassuring myself that after this year, the next year I would free from the bowl. As for Birch, who was now sixteen, he had this year and two years after that.

I sighed as the escort, Katri Rankine walked over to the ladies' bowl. She had a stupid grin on her face, and I wanted to punch her.

"Johanna Mason!" She chirps. My heart stopped. Literally. Stopped. I took a deep breath and walked up to the stage, half-glaring at Katri, the woman I'd have to spend most of the possible rest of my existence with. She was still grinning, like she happy district seven's population had just decreased by one.

`She walked over to the boy's bowl and pulled out a name. She slowly walks over to the microphone. To torture us. I glanced at my family, then at Birch, who seemed to be staring blankly at the stage. Not at me, but the stage. My mother was crying silently into my father's shoulder. I gulped. Their worst nightmare. Losing not only one child to the games, but two. My face twisted into fear. I didn't mean to look weak, but I did look pretty strong in comparison to who was about to be called.

"Griffin Ivory!" She calls out. She probably didn't need the microphone to amplify her voice. I winced and scratched my ear. Everybody but a certain Griffin Ivory let out a silent sigh of relief, for they just escaped another year of the dreaded reapings. I eyed at Griffin to get my first sight at any competition I had. While I was small enough for my age, he was tiny. A small wispy boy, at most thirteen. His face covered in freckles and hair that was bright red. Not a good thing for the arena. Like a build-in flag. I sure hoped for his sake that we have hooded sweatshirts in the arena. He'll be needing one.

"Congratulations to our two tributes from district seven, Johanna Mason and Griffin Ivory!" She gestures to us, but I simply look down.

I sighed as I was escorted into the justice building. The realization of the thought hit me: Now district 7's population will decrease by two.

**Goodbyes:**

I sat on the fancy couch that sat in the justice building room, my tears staining the velvet. I was ashamed at my reaction at the reaping. I was terrified. I was supposed to look strong… like a treat.. I bit my lip, gazing out the window. People were starting to leave the reaping and the peacekeepers were taking down the ropes that the children had stood in. I took a deep breath and the door opened. In came my father, mother, and Birch. I managed a smile.

"You're a natural with the ax. I know you can do this," my father tells me.

"That's what you told Bambi," I mumbled. Birch gave me a look. I just shrugged. I would be a weakling. An easy kill. It didn't matter.

"Look, you get yourself an ax and you obliterate. You have to get back to us. We can't loose another child…" And that's when my father started crying. I haven't seen him crying since… Since we had just lost Bambi.

I nodded. I had to win. For my sister. Finish what she started. We gathered in a group hug.

"Do you have your locket?" My mother asks through tears.

"Right here," I whispered, revealing it, for it was tucked under my dress. I've worn it every living moment since I got it back from Finnick.

"Time's up!" A voice calls from outside as the door opens.

"Good luck, sis! I'll see you when you get back!" Birch calls as he is scuffled out of the room by peacekeepers. I make eye contact with him one last time before the door is slammed shut. I buried my head in the couch, sobbing silently.

That's when the door opened again. It was my best friend, Samantha. I've worked with her and gone to school with her for as long as I could remember. Most people just call her Sam. She just looks more like a Sam. She's too… tough for a name like Samantha.

I stood up and ran to hug her. "Sorry," I said as I backed up. "I'm staining your dress."

She just laughs through her sobs. I've never seen her cry before. That's when I knew all hope was lost. That was so bad that the toughest person I knew was crying. "You think I care about this dress? The next time I'll be wearing it is next year's reaping where _you'll _be sitting there where the mentors sit. You hear me?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I guess." What do you say to someone who's so convinced that they're not your last words to them? "After my reaction at the reaping, I'll be a weakling," I tell her.

She smirks. "You know, maybe you can use that to your advantage."

That's when the peacekeepers had to pull her out.

"Wait, what do you mean?" I yelled as they ushered her out, and she was putting up a good fight, but more peacekeepers came.

She gave me a last wink before the doors closed. Her tears are only temporary. Mine would last until my last days.

I waited for the peacekeepers to come get me and guide me into the train.

**_Are you guys excited for Johanna's games? I AM! Please, review, favorite, and follow this story! And tell all your friends!  
What do you think about Griffin? How about Sam?_**

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	8. Train Ride

**Helloo! Extra sorry I haven't written in awhile. :'( I PROMISE that I will update more frequently. Hang in there, guys. More is coming. I hope you enjoy the train ride to the Capitol chapter!**

* * *

I kept repeating in my mind what Sam had told me. What did she mean that I could use my weakness as an advantage? The thought wouldn't leave my mind. I desperately wanted it to, but at the same time, I wanted to know what she had meant.

"I guess I'll never know," I mumbled as I fell onto the bed that countless tributes before that are now corpses have slept on. Maybe even my sister. I stared at the ceiling while massaging my temples. Too bad I'd never get to talk to Sam again… I sat up and slumped, covering my face with my hands. What am I going to do? I looked like a weakling at the reaping. An easy target. How was I supposed to use that to my advantage? I silently cursed Sam. Always being so mysterious…

"Eventually, there is a knock on the door. I know immediately it's Katri Rankine. I mean, who else would sound that excited on this death train? Well, she's not the one who would be dying.

"What?" I growl as I open the door.

"Well," she clasps her hands together. "Don't you look lovely?" She smiles. Did I really have a choice of what to wear? Everything in the dresser that stored the clothes came straight from the Capitol. Of course she loved it.

"What do you want?" I ask her, narrowing my eyes.

"Dinner's ready. And you'll finally get to meet your mentors, Blight and Isadora!" She chirps and claps. "I'll meet you in the dining car. I have to fetch Griffin." And with that, she's off.

I, on the other hand, was dreading the moment I'd have to talk to my mentors about my strategies to stay alive. Something that seemed so simple, yet is was so valuable. The thing even Capitolites value the most. Their lives. And mine was on the line. And I had to figure out how to stay alive.

I manage to lighten up as dinner is served.

Man, I've never seen this much food in one place in my life.

Geez, I haven't even eaten this much food in my life!

I fill my plate with anything and everything that fits. Blight, Isadora and Katri all recommend their favorite meals. I have never thought I would be this filled in my life. And after dinner, we watched the reapings. As usual, the kids from one, two, and four looked pretty brutal. Though I thought that that I could've taken any of them if it were just me versus one of them. They're all so arrogant. So confident that they will win. I snorted. They would think that they would be able to take the little girl from seven. If only they knew what I was capable of, what I could do with an ax…

I nearly fell over. That's it! That's what Sam meant! Their arrogance would get the better of them. I would make them underestimate me. Make them believe I'm a weakling. Everybody. The tributes, the Capitol people, everybody. I smirked to myself.

"All right there, Johanna?" Isadora asks me.

I nod smugly. "I'm fine." I had completely zoned out for most or the reapings. I was thinking of my genius plan. And I had Sam to thank.

I glance at Griffin. Sure, I would tell Blight and Isadora my strategy. They're my mentors. But Griffin couldn't know. Sure, we come from the same place, but that doesn't mean I could trust him. Who knows, maybe he'd join the careers and tell them all about it. I snicker to myself. As if the careers would let him join their group.

"So, what do think of your opponents? Any to look out for? To ally?" Blight asks, resting his elbows on his knees. I let Griffin talk. After all, I really didn't pay attention. I guessed I had to make note of them when we got to the Capitol.

Griffin talks on for a good minute or so before Blight turns to me. "What about you, Johanna? Did you think anybody stood out?" I shake my head. "Nobody stood out to you?" He furrowed his eyebrows. I nodded. "Hmmm, we'll have to do something about that." Griffin looked at me skeptically, but I ignored him

After Griffin left, I approached Blight and Isadora. "I have a strategy, but I'm not sure if it would work." They looked at me in a way as if to telling me to go on. So I did. "Well, I'll act like a weakling so the tributes will underestimate me and they'll be so arrogant that they won't even be able to blink before their heads are separated from their bodies.

Isadora raised her eyebrows and exchanged a look with Blight. "I don't see how that couldn't work."

Blight smiled at me. "Not bad. That's never been done before. They won't even see it coming."

They approved. I was smiling that evening until I fell asleep.

The next morning, I woke up and looked out the window. We had to be close. And there it was. The Capitol. How could such a beautiful place be filled with such horrible people? It looked like it was a castle on the clouds. The perfect place to live. I got dressed quickly in the most normal thing I could find, tucked my locket under my shirt, and dashed to the dining cart where I could a better view of the beautiful city.

I never wanted the train ride to end. Besides the constant fear of knowing that I most likely would not be alive in two weeks, it was very enjoyable. I still had the idea in my mind that the Capitol was a distant area away. I didn't want to imagine a whole city full of Katri Rankies. The games might never come if I wished for it enough. But there I was at the train station getting off of the train and being led to a place I was told is called the remake center.

And with that, I wave goodbye to the train and I'm standing on Capitol grounds. The Capitol people all with their absurd hair colors and four inch long eyelashes try to reach out. To get us as we walk through the train station. The guards keep them back though.

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	9. Chariot Rides

**_Hey guys! This chapter will be of the chariot rides and a certain character is coming back ;)_**

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My chariot costume was beyond horrid. I was covered in leaves. And only leaves.

The worst part was my stylist's starstruck face. She looked so amazed that she successfully covered a poor child in _leaves, _that she doesn't seem to have any realization at all of how terrible I look. I don't even try to cover my disgust. I only have to hide it once I face the tributes.

Desperately trying to cover myself up was difficult. The tributes would laugh. Well, that was pretty much just the careers. The others just looked uncomfortable. But I didn't care. All my efforts to look like I didn't belong are just starting my act. Making me look weak and desperate for protection.

My next move was risky, but I had to do it. When I saw him, I needed to talk to him. He might as well have been wearing gold. He stood out in the crowd with his gleaming hair and charming yet cocky smile. He looked more glamorous than the tributes that he was mentoring.

I walk behind him and tap his shoulder.

He takes one glance at me, not processing much. "Oh, sorry miss, I'm not supposed get involved with any of the tribut-" He abruptly stops talking when his gaze meets mine. "J-Johanna?" He stutters.

I bit my lip. I don't know what I'm shocked more about: the fact that me tapping his shoulder immediately makes him think that I wanted to seduce him, or the fact that he had somehow recognized me when I was covered with leaves. I wasn't even wearing my locket. My stylist made me take it off.

I just nodded. "I didn't know you mentored."

His face flushed. "I didn't know you were selected."

"Didn't you watch the reapings?"

He shakes his head. "Who actually pays attention to those? I like to know as little of the tributes as possible." I nod. He's right.

"It's too bad I'm here." I paused. "I need to ask you something. It's about my strategy."

"What is it?"

I swallowed before answering. Told him my strategy. "Do you think it would work?" I looked up at him, my eyebrows raised. I knew my mentors knew, but Finnick knowing would be even better and safer. Besides, my sister trusted him with her life. So I did too. I trusted him more than my mentors.

He bit his lip. "Ya know, that's really good. I just think that you won't get as many sponsors. But once they realize how good you are, they'll be all over it. I think that would work if you're even half as bad as your sister."

I smirked. "Twice. I'm two times better than her."

He laughed. "We'll see about that." A loud and booming voice penetrated throughout the speakers.

"Tributes, enter you chariots!"  
I glanced at Finnick before I turned around to get onto the chariot.

"Johanna?" It was Finnick's voice.

I turned back around. "Yes?"  
"I'm gonna get you out of the arena that I couldn't get your sister out of. I owe it to you. To your family."

I smile. "We'll see about that," I say, imitating him. And with that, I raced back to get on the chariot next to Griffin.

"Were you talking to _Finnick Odair?" _Griffin gaped.

I nod smugly. Then, a familiar anthem blasts throughout the city so loud that I'm pretty sure it could be heard all the way in district seven. The horses lurch forward, and I'm pulled into the world of the people. A new sort of people. Sure, I've seen Capital people, but never this many in the same place at the same time. I had already seen enough of these people at the train station, hadn't I?

The collection of colors worn in the stand consisted more hues mixed together than I had ever seen in my lifetime. Most people in seven owned about two outfits. At least, that's about how much I owned. These people seemed like they wore a different outfit each day for the year, each one probably worth more than more than me.

I tightened my grip on the side of the chariot. I almost cursed myself for appearing weak again, but I remembered the plan. I _wanted _to look helpless. I couldn't look at the people around me. The Capitol people around her appeared so distorted. Changing something that some of them might have had - a natural beauty. But that's all ruined. The fact that the money made in this country is to make people in the Capitol believe that they're becoming pretty rather than feeding the starving people made me want to hurl. Hurl on this outfit - no, I couldn't even call what I was wearing an outfit. Maybe throwing up on it would make it look better.

The ride was only halfway over. I realized I looked more angry than I did scared. This act would be hard to follow for sure. I had to cover my anger with my fear. How would I be able to do that? How could I have pretended to be scared of this place and their frilly citizens?

Of course, I hadn't thought of a certain one citizen.

My gaze locks on President Snow. His eyes were a black hole. I swore I could smell the strong scent of roses trying so hard to cover up the blood from 100 yards away. The scent of blood could not be covered up. This man probably showered in the blood of dead tributes.

He gave the same speech he gave every year, just with rearranging the words. The Capitol citizens are so dumb, they probably don't even notice.

After the speech, the horses rode into the remake center and I got off the chariot. I zoned out during most of that so I'm not exactly if I looked terrified and uncomfortable or angry. I know I looked angry at President Snow, but the camera must've been on him. Even if the camera was on a tribute, it'd be on the tributes that Capitol people would consider sponsoring. The burly pair from two. Not the wispy children from seven.

I sighed and inspected the other tributes. It looked like I could take out most of them. As for the careers, if I could fight them one by one, I could maybe win. As long as their arrogance gets the better of them, I would always use that to my advantage.

Katri finds Griffin and me and started talking to us about how great our performance was. She lead us up to our floor. I gaped. The velvet couch itself must've cost more than my whole house. Katri showed each of us to our room to wash up.

Great, now I had to get that cursed outfit off.

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